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Monday, March 14th, 2005
9:14 pm
Monday, March 14, 2005

kawkalush... get your old canned kawkalush!
Current mood: surprised

today, after a long and enlightening conversation with Brown, we decided to open the infamous can of sardines that i had given him for no particular reason. some time ago at Sindibad's, i had asked for a small block of cheddar cheese and the portly man, trying to be flirtatious but failing miserably and asking, "oh! you're turkish?!" to cover it up, brought back a small can of sardines... so i bought them anyway!

encased in a little green box slathered in drippy, yellow arabic lettering, that lowly can of sardines lived for who knows how long. there was no indication of an expiration date to be found, only tiny arabic lines of ingrediants... or warnings, who knows. Brown peeled back the stiff sheet of metal, the olid stench of damp cat food wafted through the air like a hot lunch in a nursing home cafeteria and to my horror, he dipped his fingers into the merky pool of olive oil and extracted a shining slab of sodden fish which he slid down his tongue, grinning at my utter disgust. but then he thrust a drippng finger towards my mouth, armed to the teeth with an artillery of sardines. my eyes tried to hide in their shells, but i couldn't say no! so i opened my mouth and sucked what air i could in and! and! and!

... cat food. cat food texture... cat food taste. with greasy grey skin... but hey, not bad. i lost my gag reflexes long ago so i had no sudden urge to spew this pâté-like substance. i chewed and chewed, not sure what to do. it wasn't grotesque but not at all an attractive taste, yet anyway. all i could do was chew, and i stared at Brown not knowing what the hell to say. "they're.. grrreat? i guess... i kind of like it? on sandwiches?" i picked another piece out of the can and popped it into my mouth. it grows on you... like mold. or infections.

if i'm in the hospital tomorrow, i like tiger lillies....

Currently listening:
By Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Release date: By 05 November, 2002

current mood: confused

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Thursday, October 28th, 2004
4:33 pm
i'm getting my tongue pierced sometime soon... someone come with me and hold my hand. i'm not joking.

wouldn't it not suck if your name was uterus?

amanda, nicki, shannon and i have a band. it's called Stick it to Ying Ling. fuckin rock on.

current mood: crazy

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Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
9:36 pm - gasoline and coffee stains, we can sit together and watch the trains...
had another fight with my mom tonight. i made her cry. i love her, i really do. why am i so vicious? where does it root itself inside me? i feel it, it's like i'm outside of my body directing whoever is inside to say terrible things. i wish my mom knew how much i love her. i wish i knew how much i love her.

jeremy stopped by tonight and used my sewing machine. we sand hot rod circuit songs all night, talked. i care for jeremy arnold a lot, i'm so glad him and judy are going to be together next year. haha, they're so cute together. he makes her clothes! i want someone to care for like that, and to make clothes for. damnitalltoohellwhyamisolonelyallthetime? it will be ok, i have something too look forward to next week. it's all good. it's going to be so cold soon! i'm so excited, i love the cold. there is this tree outside my window that turns the most amazing shades of orange and red and yellow... it's the best thing to wake up to. i can feel it brighten my eyes.
33 days until jolyn jesus chang comes home. jolyn, your boyfriend is hairy now, but ever so adorable.;)

current mood: amused

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Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
8:49 pm
just because you go the hospital doesn't mean you're 'sick.' i wish i could take a boat.

current mood: morose

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Monday, October 18th, 2004
5:37 pm - i used to breath. i breath it used. used, it breathed. breath it used.
i deleted all of my previous entries. a lot of people either have no knowledge of this journal, or forgot about it. i guess this is to my advantage.

my family. i love them, i really do. they don't seem to love me, and somehow i don't blame them. my mother's household, anyway. im just in the way all the time, i cause more trouble than i do prevent it. i guess i don't mind staying out of the way, but it's hard to avoid them (i say this, defining my desire to interact). i want to be part of everything but avoiding all of the petty arguments and fights. my mother's family is quite nice though, i just don't get to see them much. my aunt jackie's farm is one of my favorite places in the world. i can just sit in a tree and read... i can walk out back on the dirt roads, i can drive the pick up truck to the cherry trees and lay in the back and stare at the stars as long as i want to. i wish i was there now. i want apple cider. i want to take a walk. i want to give but everyone is so far away right now. i want to wear mittens.

i ran three and a quarter miles with vicky today. i threw up afterward. organic vegan cookies look like the banana-soymilk shakes from Breathe. i wish i could swim out of this box of gloominess with a pair of flippers and a flavoured oxygen tank. they have those in california.

i cried today. i wish it was all gone now. the supports in my tear ducts crumbled like the aqueducts built here in 1846. we used twenty seven jail inmates and they all escaped by the end of its completion.

hope all is well with you...and you too. and even you, although i'm not sure we're friends anymore. oh, and i met you a few days ago. you too.

good evening.

current mood: melancholy

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